Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
