I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
