Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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