Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
