At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
smell my finger.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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