my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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