She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
