i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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