We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
