he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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