I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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