I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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