Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
