yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
