just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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