M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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