Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
