Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
