she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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