she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
