I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am naked and annoyed.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
