Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
