She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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