I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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