not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
