i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
