Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
