I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
