Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
