I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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