I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
