I think I won the penis lottery.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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