ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
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what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
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dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
MIDGETS
????
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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