exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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