There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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