Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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