somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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