so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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