Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
