Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
