It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
