My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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