I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
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Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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