I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
