but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
