she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
