Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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