Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sext me about skeletons
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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