For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
