Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
