last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
