Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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