She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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