But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
