it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
