Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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