I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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