yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
