you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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