I need help removing her.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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