I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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