You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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