I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
